We are Creatures of Love: to love over and again.

A very fine marriage coach spoke in church the other day. Before then I pride myself to be an authority in relationship/marriage related topics, but the approach the woman took that day was different.

She asked a question, and this question happens to be the same question I have been asking myself for quite some time but haven't gotten a satisfactory answer to before then.

The question: have you ever wondered why despite the increasing rate of divorce and relationship/marriage unsettlement, people still go ahead and keep falling in love, being in a relationship and getting married; in this set are still the very ones that have been brokenhearted or abused in past relationships?

She answered by saying "we are that way, because we are creatures of love. We are wired to want love. We are wired to be codependent. And one of the ways, if not the utmost way, that can be achieved is through relationship and/or marriage. That's why no matter how heartbroken we are, sometime down the line we are ready to love again.

Her response was spot on and satisfactory. You know it is common nowadays for people to end a relationship and start going about saying stuffs about self love and a bunch of stuffs like that. Self love is good and I am a strong advocate of self discovery; learning first to be complete in oneself before seeking to be with another, but that doesn't change the fact that we ALL have a natural inclination to wanting to be loved (in that "sense").

I was having a conversation along this line some days back with a friend , we drifted this way and that, and I thought why not put this out there?!

So I have always been known to be a strong woman, conceited you may say. I, in fact at a time thought myself to be a feminist. My rough childhood contributed largely to me being this way, but it wasn't all bad, because I took the earliest part of my life discovering who I am, who I can be by myself, for myself, learning to be complete on my own, and if having a man in my life would make any difference. And eventually when I thought the time was right, I started my first official relationship.

Let's talk about standards for a bit. I have heard a number of people have a number of stuffs on their "list" (things they desire in a partner), and I heard that a number of these items are really not crucial to the success of a relationship/marriage. While someone you know must have been "lucky" and gotten all they wanted in a partner checked out, that doesn't leave the fact that serious work is needed to sustain a relationship, and at this point is when what each party have inside of them is being tested, and may God help you, your partner doesn't have what it takes. Take for example, your list comprises a tall, dark, well articulated, preferably an athletic body man etc., while it's great for one's partner to possess all those, it's much more important that your partner have a lot of patience, because that's what will stop him for hitting you when your mouth won't stop blabbering.

Then, when you are setting standards for the kind of partner you want to be with, you must do so with you in mind, the standards must be peculiar to you. With the way I am wired, I know it's important a stronger man handles me, so one of the main qualities I look to in a man is strong leadership skills.

So back to the conversation with my friend. I said "you know I am so contended with where I am but a part of me still "wants to be in love", at the same time I also fear I am going to be single for a very long time because of the contentment I feel". Then he answered and said "it's all about your mindset". Like I said our conversation drifted here and there and definitely I can't type everything we discussed, and though our discussion led me to explain what I meant by " I fear I am going to be single for a very long time" which made him understood what I meant and recognize that his response wasn't appropriate at that time, but still he is right, and our mindset determines a lot about us.

And changing our mindset has a lot to do with first dropping all the facades. It's ok to be in a great relationship and then have it all over, and it's also ok to take your time and take time to heal, but don't pretend as if you don't need anyone or there is no part of you that wants to be "in love". Don't take to the internet and become a badass wo/man who appears not to need any wo/man and don't care or vice versa. Truth is you do, we all do. So try to strike a balance. Strike a balance between being complete on you own, and having someone in your life as a partner won't necessarily be filling a void either.

Cheers to falling in love. Cheers to loving. Cheers to squashing our goals. Cheers to being better people. Cheers to enjoying round about happiness and completeness.

IMAGE BY EDEL RODRIGUEZ FOR TIME.COM