Child Rape; the chain that must be broken.

Someone sent me a very disturbing video clip some days back. I didn't watch it for a long time, truthfully I deleted it. I didn't get to see the video but I saw the preview and the caption so I know what it was about. Un/fortunately for me, another friend posted it on her wall some days after then, and I have clicked on it to watch before I realized it, so I just decided to watch and as well know how to process the information.

It was about a little girl of about 2 that was allegedly raped multiple times till her vagina and anus tore and eventually died. I can't verify the authenticity of the story because it has gone through many media. It was just like an article I stumbled on several days back that said Kobe Bryant's wife committed suicide because she couldn't bear the loss of her husband and daughter, and before I blinked people were already sharing it without checking the authenticity of the news. I swung into action to find out if the report was true only to discover it was false, yet someone wrote it, posted it and several others shared it without making proper findings. And sadly, I can't verify this rape story either, but it led me to research -my way of processing the information - about rape, pedophiles especially, what goes on in their minds, and how they become who they are etc.

First, no one should ever have to go through the damage that rape brings, no man or woman should be tormented and tortured that way. And for raped children, it cut a little deeper into my heart considering most of the children are too little to be able to speak out for themselves. Therefore, I would share ways to recognize a pedophile or someone sexually interested in your wards below, before then please note that an adult who is good at interacting and understanding children or generally good with children or likes children is not a pedophile by default. Wrongly accusing someone of pedophilia can cause severe depressions and social anxieties, and falls under false allegation of sexual abuse, a form of slander.

• A pedophile could be anyone at all. There is no one physical characteristic, appearance, profession, or personality type that all child molesters share. Child molesters can be any sex or race, and their religious affiliations, occupations and hobbies are as diverse as anyone else's.

• Most child molesters are known to the children they abuse.

• A pedophile could be a male or a female, could be homosexual or heterosexual, could be interested even in children of same sex as him/her.

• He/she often refer to children in pure or angelic terms using descriptive words like innocent, heavenly, divine, pure, and other words that describe children but seem inappropriate and exaggerated.

• Hobbies could be childlike, such as collecting popular expensive toys, keeping reptiles or exotic pets, or building plane and car models.

• They target specific age of child, some prefer toddlers and some older children. Sometimes prefer children close to puberty who are sexually inexperienced, but curious about sex.

• Often his environment or a special room will be decorated in child-like decor and will appeal to the age and sex of the child he is trying to entice.

• Many times pedophile will develop a close relationship with a single parent in order to get close to their children.

• It is not uncommon for them to be developing a long list of potential victims at any one time. Many of them believe that what they are doing is not wrong and that having sex with a child is actually "healthy" for the child.

• Pedophile often talk to or treat children like adults.

• Pedophiles can work anywhere, they do find ways to be around children as often as possible. It could be professions such as a teacher or priest, and also a voluntary or weekend position as a sports coach, camp counsellor, school bus driver, daycare worker, Boy Scout leader, church or secular youth worker.

• The pedophile might be your lover! Single parents are easy prey for sexual predators whose real intention is to hit on the child, while continuing a sexual relationship with the father or mother.

• Pedophile do what is called grooming where they get their victims trust them. Beware of toys or gifts from an un/known source turning up in your child's possession. Paedophiles often like to "buy" your child with presents. You would think that brother or sister is just being nice but after a while could even withhold such presents from the children till they fulfill their sexual needs.

• Be careful of that ever available babysitter: Often this sort of people would place him/herself in a situation where s/he becomes the trusted babysitter, often for the children of several, usually single parent families.

• Almost all pedophiles have a collection of pornography, which they protect at all costs. Many of them also collect "souvenirs" from their victims. They rarely discard either their porn or collections for any reason.

It is also imperative to note at this point that sexual abuse is not limited to sexual intercourse, it includes touching of a child's genitals for sexual pleasure, making the child touch someone else's genitals, showing pornography to a child, viewing sexual images of a child, deliberately exposing adult's genitals to a child, encouraging a child to listen to sexual conversations, or wrongly watching a child undress or use the bathroom. Therefore, anyone engaging in this is sexually abusing your child (ren) or wards and therefore such should be paid attention to.

Signs to watch out for in children that might have been sexually molested.

• Signs of trauma to the genital area, such as unexplained bleeding, bruising, or blood on the sheets.

• Limping while walking due to discomfort in the genitals.

• Sexual behavior that is inappropriate for the child’s age.

• Bed wetting or soiling the bed, if the child has already outgrown these behaviors.

• Not wanting to be left alone with certain people or being afraid to be away from primary caregivers, especially if this is a new behavior, or not wanting to have any contact with certain individuals.

• Tries to avoid removing clothing to change or bathe.

• Excessive talk about or knowledge of sexual topics.

• Resuming behaviors that they had grown out of, such as thumb sucking.

• Nightmares or fear of being alone at night.

• Excessive worry or fearfulness.

It's important to note that most wards might have been threatened not to share their dilemma with anyone, hence a lot of attention has to be paid to one's children and changes per time have to be noted.

Conclusively, as a caregiver, guardian or parent, you have the right to suspect anyone and therefore do what you feel is best for the safety of your wards. Please note until you have concrete evidence, do not accuse anyone of being a molester, but if you suspect, then take the necessary measures to protect your own. Rape damages, and in some cases most of the molested grows up to be a molester, it is a chain that must be broken.

Let’s be guided. Speak to the necessary authority when your suspicions are confirmed.