Challenges of an average Twenty something Nigerian Girl

On the morning of my departure from home earlier this month, my mum sat me down and started talking about marriage. She has talked about it a million times and regardless of the response I give her per time, it doesn't stop her from talking to me about it at every opportunity she gets.

Amongst a lot, she said "pick one of your suitors", I replied that I have no suitor at the moment, most of the ones that use to have gotten married, the remaining single ones and I have established that we would remain friends because for a reason or the other it can't work with any of them.

Mama started mentioning names, she stopped at a name in particular because she know this person so well. I patiently told her again that it can't work because marriage is something one should be very intentional about, and if we already see why it can't work from the outset, then why start, she went ahead to say nobody is perfect, and I asked her "do I say I am looking for a perfect man, or am I perfect myself?" I had to quickly ran her through the basic things that I can't live without in a man I will marry and how I thought I could patch these things in my former relationship but it didn't work.

She didn't give up, she talked on and on. Naturally I know her era and take on marriage (which is different from mine) affects the way she see things, and no matter how much I explain she won't understand, so I normally don't give her too much details. I just use to tell her "mummy, marriage is not something to rush into, it's something one should patiently/prayerfully deliberate on. You know this first hand. Don't worry, it will happen at the right time but it can't work with so so person(s)", but unfortunately this time that technique didn't work, she just kept talking.

She said "can't you even consider me as your mom, why are you so adamant, I want so so as a son in law, I like him..." At this point, I got furious and amused simultaneously. Egbami, who wan marry between me and mama now o, I am not understanding again?

What am I driving at?

My mum knows me and knows my stand on marriage, and knew that the home I grew up in is far from excellent, and considering that I might want to be extra cautious YET she won't let me be, now IMAGINE people that are less resilient than I am, that a little push from the society will make them budge.

God sees my heart, I feel for such people.

I empathize with people that everyone around them start reminding them they are not growing any younger year in year out, and it kept getting at them till one day they settled for less, they settled for a guy they are so unsure of, but because they kept being told "no one is perfect, just choose one" they budged and went ahead with it. It's even better in cases where either the bride or the groom happens to know what it takes to have a godly marriage, that means at least that one can put in the necessary efforts, BUT in the case where the girl is unsure, and naive and immature, and the guy is still busy sowing his wild oats, how on Earth will they put in the work that marriage entails?

My heart goes out to every woman that is being pushed by the society to "settle" and they don't have the tenacity of some of us to resist. My heart truly goes out to them and I pray someday someway God's wisdom will flood their hearts and teach them what to do (whether they are already into such marriages or still contemplating).

Extra Tip: On a fateful day, like play, I started dating one dude like that and not long before I discovered that he effortlessly checked all the IMPORTANT boxes I have ever had, though he's flawed in so many other ways but they are things I can GLADLY manage or we could work on if we put our minds to it. By the way, this guy and I can't be together either, no one's fault this time, just that the universe got jealous of what we had and went to war against us (lol)

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Well, this Extra Tip is to tell you that my standards are not too high, and I am not unreasonable, and now that I know I can get what I deserve, there's no stopping me, there's no settling for less!

Art by Lexonphotography